Resolutions vs. Goals

This is the time of year where our minds start to reflect on the good and bad of the previous year which naturally leads to a list of things we’d like to change. Thus is the tradition of “resolutions”. I recently saw two things that preoccupied my mind with the concept of resolutions. The first was a picture on one of my favorite comedy facebook pages, No Hope forthe Human Race:

I started to realize it’s been years since I’ve listed any real resolutions for myself. Partly because they don’t work so it’s hard to believe in them. It’s like the Flu Shot. There are too many people who never get flu shots and almost never get sick and too many people who get flu shots every year but still get sick. I know there are mitigating factors like working in a social heavy industry or living with infection cesspools, I mean ‘children’ but really that’s my point. The concept of “flu shots keep you from getting the flu” has nowhere near enough conclusive data for me to believe in it, much like resolutions. I don’t think I’ve ever met a single person who has completed a resolution. That is not to say I’ve never met anyone who has changed their life for the better. It just rarely if ever comes from some sweeping declaration on New Years Day.

The second event was one of my best friends sent me his list of resolutions, all of which are totally worthwhile and valid, but a couple were a bit vague. That’s what got me started on the concept of goals versus resolutions. Though it’s been many years since I’ve even thought about resolutions, goals pretty much run my life and I couldn’t be happier about it. When I was a child, I always got annoyed at goals and the whole idea of goal setting. It was likely due to my goals being set by someone else; a parent, a teacher, etc. The first couple years after high school, I painfully embraced the idea of self discipline and realized that if I wanted something out of my reach, the only way to get it is to work for it, to work really hard for it. The last couple years I’ve set specific, obtainable goals with my music as well as my personal life and they’ve easily been the most successful years of my life.

It’s a simple change we can make in our lives but it will make all the difference. Trust me. For example, some of the goals I have for 2014 could be stated “Practice my music more” as a resolution but the goal would be written as “Practice guitar and/or singing 1 hour every day”. Or “Blog more” versus “Blog every Sunday”. “Lose weight” versus “Lose 100 lbs”. Now this one will have a whole subset of smaller goals that I’ve made to make losing 100 lbs possible. I recently found this site that has a list of healthy habits that will help you lose weight, my favorite of which is to take on each habit slowly and individually. You won’t lose weight quickly at first but you will lose a lot in the long run and the weight will stay off because your habits have changed. It also has many other health tips that you skinny people will find helpful. Click here for more information.

Anyway, my point is let us all set specific, obtainable goals this year rather than vague resolutions. It won’t make changing any easier, it just makes it more possible. Happy New Year everyone. Hope to see you soon.

Great evening and new song - "Her Chapter"

I had only written one song since last September! This may not seem that crazy but since writing is one of my few forms of release, I felt this disparity with my whole soul. I was used to writing 1-5 songs a month. After a great evening last Sunday, I posted my thoughts and they were received with such genuine encouragement, I kept the keyboard rapping and went on to finally break my bad streak. I’ve also been feeling a change or growth in my songwriting style which this new song completely substantiates. It’s not a huge change. Basically, it’s where I am style-wise but 1-2 steps toward folk. I’ve been completely inspired by the talented David Ramirez lately and excited to head in that direction. Anyway, I wanted to share this new song with you and give you its background. The new song is appropriately called “Her Chapter”. Enjoy.

The Facebook Post:

I had an interesting evening. I got to see my muse, who I haven't seen in over a year, in which time I had professed my mad love and was subsequently denied. Tonight it was nice to find that my year's worth of trying to get over her has been effective, moderately at least.

But the more interesting part was when I visited another ex who I haven't seen in almost 3 years. Her song, Favorite June, made it on the album so I was dropping a copy by for her. It was a short relationship but super exciting and I fell for her hard and quick. Each of the first few dates we had we stayed up extra late talking and kissing and whatnot, at the end of which, I would drive home to the sunrise. It was so beautiful and hopeful and exciting, just like our relationship, hence the line in Favorite June, "...on my drive, I see the sunrise, and it tells me 'everything's going to be all right'." Tonight, though, I had the pleasure of hitting the road as the sun went down. Just as beautiful, but this time it was peaceful and comforting. As I made the final jaunt through the neighborhood to her house, I was not only missing her but also deeply missing that time of my life. I've had closure on that short but memorable love but if I hadn't, I loved the theme of the sun as the end of her chapter in my life. I may never see her again but I'm so happy she was a part of my life, however brief. I then drove the 40 minutes home with my windows down, basking in the serenity I was granted tonight.

HER CHAPTER

It was sunrise when I found you

It felt like coming home

Now the sun is setting

I have to let you go

I’m so glad that my story

In part, is made of you

We never called it off

Just faded like a memory

When I’m wide awake

I pour over our journey

I’m so glad that my story

In part, is made of you

We thought we found the one

Turns out there are many

Sides to every untold story

So we dress our broken hearts

And wait for time to mend

‘Cause if it’s not okay, it must not be the end

I’m so glad that my story

In part, is made of you

I’m so glad that our story

Is worth a tell or two

               

Songwriter: One of Life's Great Callings

I always believed I'd be one of those people who at some point would meet a girl who would complete me and I her and we'd set off to take on all the many challenges of life together, as one. Most people marry someone they fall in love with and that's all fine, dandy, and lucky to have a 30%-40% chance of working out but every once in a long while you meet a couple that were so richly made for each, it's hard to see them as 2 individuals. I'm finding it difficult to let go of the belief that I would be one of those blessed romantics. I'm slowly starting to embrace that maybe my hopeless romanticism is solely built for writing songs. What a beautiful gift. I need to stop preoccupying my mind with thoughts of "where the hell is she?" and focus on being receptive to the inspiration that comes to a lucky few. I'm a songwriter. THAT is my true love forever. :)

Welcome to the party, now the real work starts

Lots of great things have finally been coming together for me lately. My first professionally recorded full length album is finally done, printed, and the local release party is set for next Saturday. A few weeks ago I signed with Refinement Records. We are going to do 4-5 months of artist development leading up to a national release of the album. I've started working with Unknown Prophets Pictures on a short film I'm starring in as well as many live videos. I just joined the very talented Val Larsen in Val & and the Blue Cap and will be providing my skills on bass and whatnot. I finally started dating again. Nothing serious yet but I can feel myself ready for the real thing. I started losing weight. A few of you will know how big a triumph that is. Even the day job has some new opportunity laid out before me. I submitted my resume for a much more fitting position in the same company. Fingers crossed.

For the past year or so I’ve felt so unbelievably stuck in some sort of limbo. I was completely hung up on a girl that frankly was never going to come around. My album was taking many months longer than I anticipated. I couldn’t move forward with my band because all the big things we want to do were waiting for the album. It was like nothing was real, like there was a fog clouding everything worthwhile. Then all within a few weeks everything started to fall into place. Working with Refinement Records and how well this album turned out are giant steps in the right direction. Finding the right people for the right positions to do the work that is necessary for success in the music business, I thought, would relieve the pressure on my career goals. It has but it’s also brought a whole new set of pressure to be even better, write more, and focus on getting my image up to par. Now I have even more people relying on the quality and success of my dream, of my vision. All in all, it really feels as if now that I’ve spent 15 years pushing for this goal, I’ve finally been invited to the party. It’s what I’ve always wanted and I’m overwhelmed with a sense of belonging. I’ve never been so happy, excited, motivated, and scared shitless in my life. Now the real work starts and I couldn’t be more ready to hit the ground running.

Every songwriter needs a muse and New song - "Boiling Point"

“Without hope, all you are is an artist without a muse”. These lyrics from my song “Ransom” have been on my mind lately. Every songwriter should have a muse. Mine is a girl I dated off and on years ago then some time later I realized I was in love with her, told her, she did not reciprocate, so I have spent the last 2 years trying to “get over” her with no avail. This year I’ve finally embraced that maybe I’m not supposed to. She is the Giving Tree of songwriting fodder. Recently, this was proved beyond doubt.

Back at the end of January, I was feeling the ol’ inspiration itch that’s generally followed by the writing of a song. I had a quality hook and chords that just needed lyrics. No subject was really coming to mind so I texted my muse for suggestions. She responded “How about feeling stuck in life and having this feeling that you’re boiling underneath the surface but don’t know why or how to fix it.” It was like she opened a door in my mind. It caught me off guard too because that’s exactly how I had been feeling.

I turned 30 last October and I haven’t been able to shake this feeling that I missed a turn in life and I’ve been driving the wrong road for years now. I’ve racked my brain to find the possible intersections that would have had significant influence on my life’s direction but I can’t see it. It’s like I’m in a maze with a seemingly obvious path but I’ve hit a dead end. I’ve traced my path back but can’t find any worthwhile avenues not ventured unless I wanted to arrive at a different finish line. I’ve even questioned whether the maze itself was designed for failure. I’ve lived my life with strong passion and specific goals but here I am, 30, alone, severely overweight, with very few prospects for improvement.

“Boiling Point” is not one of my cutsie songs about love and hope but an honest assessment my current state. It may not be as impressive as my other songs and may never make an album or played out much but if you can relate to it, I hope you realize you are not alone in feeling this way. I know I have. The first verse references those letters we write as kids or teenagers to our future selves that make us deeply evaluate our life choices, inspired by an episode of How I Met Your Mother. The last verse is talking about how most friends’ reaction to this level of self assessment and regret is “But all those bad choices and hard experiences have molded you to be who you are so you can’t fault that”. What if you don’t like who you are? What if your lot in life is crap? Maybe I’m just a hopeless romantic but I believe I was intended for greatness. I was born to fly. My lack of success is not only hard to bear but it’s shameful. As depressing as this all sounds though, I am coming to grips with making the best of what I’ve been given and that’s really all you can do. 

This song has a really cool hook, very bluegrassy, and the vocal melody sounded like something The White Buffalo would sing.

BOILING POINT

I just found a note

I wrote 10 years ago

Addressed to the man I’d become

So excited by

The prospects of life

Thought he knew I’d be somebody by now

All the things I thought I would be

By the time I hit 30

Thought I’d have happy in the bag by now

                Chorus

I feel like I’m boiling underneath

Stuck in this life I never thought I’d lead

I’m broken and I’m bleeding out

I want to fix it all but I don’t know how

If I could do it all again

I’d reverse the choices I’ve made

I know I wouldn’t be “me” but that’s ok

Maybe I’d be something more

Get my feet off the floor

Maybe I could grow the wings I always knew I had

Chorus

                Bridge

I don’t know how

Chorus

The Soul of a Song

I had an interesting moment the other day that clued me into a phenomenon in songwriting that I hadn’t previously realized. I call this phenomenon the soul of a song. This may be true across the whole artistic/creative spectrum but as it relates to songwriting there is a point in creating a song where the soul is born and it is the most magical, sacred thing I have ever felt.

While people’s songwriting processes commonly vary, for me I’ll find a hook, a chord progression, or a musical idea that invigorates me and I play it over and over until the inspiration starts to flow. I rarely set out to write about some specific subject matter. This may sound hokey but I just let the music tell me what the song is about. I’m sure my subconscious manipulates the words more than anything but to me it feels external like I have honored the God of Music and he is now rewarding me with lyrics that are way beyond anything I could create on my own. There is work involved when it comes to meter, rhyming, story, and other poetic guidelines but it feels kind of like I’ve been given a vision of something grander than my own wants and desires and I must chase this butterfly of pure spirit. It’s delicate yet difficult. Inspired songwriting is like successfully trying to remember a good dream.

If I’m lucky, most of the time I write songs I get this moment of clarity that feels like I am in the right place, in the right moment, doing exactly what I was put on this earth to do and I tear up. Previous to the other day’s discovery, I thought I was just relating to the lyrics. Most of my songs are autobiographical so this made perfect sense. As I looked back on it though, these tear up moments came on all the best songs whether or not they were sad (though most of my songs are :) ) so these tears had to mean something else. 

I now know this is the birth of the song’s soul or life force. It becomes a living thing. This is why a lot of artists compare their work to having children. My revelation of this came the other day when I rewrote a song called “Hope and a Smile”. This song has a somewhat interesting history. I had the riff for this song for over a year before words came together and in that time I had worked through many melodies and lyrics, none of which spoke to me. I went through a bunch of rhythms as well, before I landed on this upbeat, bouncy finger-picking style that eventually became the foundation. I so wanted to honor this fun riff with a good melody and lyrics. After a long tiresome saga, I finally landed on an idea. I wrote it about the auction/meat market side of dating, especially dating in your 30’s. Women, in general, always  say they want a nice guy that makes them laugh but reality has shown that if you don’t have the right look, a great job, and lots of money you will likely be leaving the auction house of life empty handed. Don’t worry, ladies, I completely agree that men are the same way if not worse. Needless to say, I loved the lyrics. Some of the truest words I have ever written, albeit with a slightly bitter aftertaste, but through and through honest. Despite this long journey, there was always something unfulfilled about it. I wasn’t a huge fan of the melody. It was a bit simple and repetitive but I didn’t hate it either. I’ve played the song out a few times, with the band even, but the audience always seemed to zone out. I couldn’t get over the fact that something was missing. I was playing around with the chords and the hook the other day and stumbled into a completely new rhythm. Not just new to the song but unlike any other song I have written. I kept working through the riff with the old lyrics and melody which only needed minor adjustments. The soul was born. All of the sudden, the lyrics were alive, the chorus was catchy, and it opened up the previously instrumental bridge for me to write a more lyrics that strongly support the message. In the middle of all the hustle and bustle the tears came and the knowledge of what they truly mean was revealed to me. All good songs have souls and understanding this fact will inform all my writing to come. It’s very exciting. 

Lastly, I will leave you with an amazing quote, not only to share with you a slight insight to my soul but I like how it relates to everything above. The soul of a song is a part of “life’s nectar” that he’s talking about.

"Singers and Musicians are some of the most driven, courageous people on the face of the earth. They deal with more day-to-day rejection in one year than most people do in a lifetime. Every day, musicians and singers face the financial challenge of living a freelance lifestyle, the disrespect of people who think they should get real jobs, and their own fear that they’ll never work again. Every day, they have to ignore the possibility that the vision they have dedicated their lives to is a pipe dream. With every role, they stretch themselves, emotionally and physically, risking criticism and judgment. With every passing year, many of them watch as the other people their age achieve the predictable milestones of normal life - the car, the family, the house, the nest egg. Why? Because musicians and singers are willing to give their entire lives to a moment - to that line, that laugh, that gesture, or that interpretation that will stir the audience’s soul. Singers and Musicians are beings who have tasted life’s nectar in that crystal moment when they poured out their creative spirit and touched another’s heart. In that instant, they were as close to magic, God, and perfection as anyone could ever be. And in their own hearts, they know that to dedicate oneself to that moment is worth a thousand lifetimes."
— David Ackert, LA Times